Friday, April 30, 2010

In Times Like These

So today I got really upset, when this girl flipped out on me in the girls locker room. I shut myself in a bathroom stall and cried. Later my friend and I were accused of cheating by all the stupid, brainless guys in our class and I got pissed. I smashed my thumb between two weight in gym class and strained my chest muscles. I forgot my Algebra book in my locker so I can't finesh my homework. I get home and my family razzes me about my school. I storm out of the room and down the basement steps to my last hope, the computer. Thats how I wound up here and frankly I really dont like feeling this depressed. Oh high school, I really hate you. When is summer vacation and hiking in the Rockies going to come?? So in times like these I thought I should remind myself that life is going to be alright and with that in mind this is a song I wrote that makes me feel like everything is going to be ok, even when it seems like the world is ending.

In Times Like These

God is real I can feel
God is with me everywhere I go
This I know
When the world is shaken
When my heart is breaking
I know he will be there
Sometimes we tell ourselves that he must not care
There’s always a reason
We’re meant to be a beacon of hope
Hold on to you faith I pray that

In times like these
I forget just who I am
In times like these
I look to the lamb
In times like these
I think God made you for me
We weren’t meant to figure it out on our one
God didn’t make us to be alone (this I know)
Yes I believe, I believe in God
In times like these
(oh-o will you believe with me)

God is pure That’s for sure
God is with me no matter what I do
God loves you
When the world is shaking
When people are taking
We know he’ll be here
So don’t shed a tear
There’s always hope; cling to it like a rope
Don’t let it fade away This I pray

-A. Richart

Thursday, April 29, 2010

My Poetry

The Fog

The fog slowly creeps into town
Shortly after the sun goes down
It captures the light and sucks out the color
It sets everything in shades a little bit duller
The fog makes the world dark, grey and still
It dampens the ground and gives the air a chill
But when the sun's rays loosen its hold
It slips from the sky, or so I am told
Where it goes no man knows But one thing is for sure
Nothing could ever be that simple or pure
-A. Richart

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Some Day...huh?

Ohh its one of those days when you wake up and realize "I'm invincible, nothing is going wrong today" The whole house is clean, the sun is shining, my hair was just perfct when I woke up. Even though my legs and stomach is sore from weights class it just seems like everying is great today!! It makes me want to sing, even though I feel like singing about every minute of everyday because I love singing so much. I thought today on this amazing day I would share one of my favorite songs (That I wrote) about this guy Ive mentioned before.

"when I look in to your clear blue eyes and see your hair that looks like the morning sunshine and suddenly I remember where I am and that your not mine
every time I see you it stops me in my tracks and it takes my breath away to hear you laugh I cant help but stare at that beautiful face why I can never get you out of my head I'll never know
everytime I close my eyes I see your face it is haunting me
like a bad dream, but I dont wanna wake up
I dont know what you dont see in me but if you look closely you will see a lonely girl longing to hold you
everynight I pray that someday you'll open your eyes and see me wanting you
and that someday youll be mine"
Someday You'll be Mine-- A. Richart (me)

Monday, April 26, 2010

When I see the world

Today is a new begining for some people and a total ending for others. I would like to stop and think about this concept for a minute. Point number one: there are millions of people around the world that had a horrible day. Some people died, Some probably were horribly humiliated, others were left out, some were teased, others maybe were pushed and physically hurt/tortured. Many are starving and homeless, some probably got rained on. Other people got in trouble, some are in jail for no reason at all. Point number two: There are millions of people around the world that had an amazing day. They may have had a new baby girl, or had their first kiss. Some probabaly made their dream come true. Others maybe made a lot of money, or had some great accomplishment. Some passed a really hard test or exam. Some were married; Some were divorced. Some are trying to make ends meet, some have executive offices high up in a shiny skyscraper.

Doesnt that make my tiny blog post a little bit insignificant? Just think about that. This is a big world doenst something have to control it all? Life and death cannot be just based on chance. There had to be some laws set in place to keep the whole chaotic world turning around. Tonight just look up at the stars or the clouds in the sky and think about how big space really is. And compared to the rest of outer space this planet is really small and unimportant. If the world is really that small how small do you think you are? Believe me the world doesnt revolve around any one person. But are we really flying through space without a capitan. I dont think so.

Take a look at a new baby, a mountain peak, or at an underwater reef. What do you see when you see the world. I see a creation, a beauty that cannot be erased no matter what anyone does to the environment. Sunsets are paintings in the sky and though they eventually fade into midnight blue after the sun goes down, I belive they still exist in a photo album somewhere in heaven. Call me crazy, but what is a girl without dreams.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Another Day

Today has not exactly been the best day of my life, nor has it been the worst. But it was a day I would not like to repete and it was a really bad way to start off my week. To start out with I had been feeling guilty about something personal I had done over the weekend. Also for the past week I have been feeling sick on and off. Now to make matters worse I had a Quiz Bowl today. I was a little nervous for that and my friends were a little on the crabby side this morning. I lifted weights second hour and was feeling a little energetic afterward. I had to leave at 12:20 to eat lunch then walk -the whole 6 blocks- down to the other high school in town for the Quiz Bowl.

At the Quiz Bowl I started to feel better (I'm kind of a nerd if you havent noticed) because my team members were pretty cool and I enjoy hanging out with them alright. We didn't so hot but we didnt care we had fun any way and the teacher that went with us, Mr. Jones, is the best teacher on the planet.I was feeling pretty good about myself even though I missed half of the questions I answered.

So, I get home in a really good mood. Maybe because it is spring and that means summer break is looming ahead like a long lost dream, or maybe because I had overcome a personal obstacle, or perhaps simply because I was feeling good -health wise- and I had fun at the competition, but I was happy. So feeling ambitious I did all of my chores while my mom was taking a nap and never even complained. I cleaned the house and did the laundry. My dad came home and we went out to the farm to see the baby calves and my adorable fat cat, Snowball.

I started on supper as soon as got home and did the dishes. Now as I have mentioned in previous blogs that my dad is not exactly a lenient guy. I must not have put the lid on the flour canister and when he pulled it out to thicken up the pancake batter it went everywhere and all you can hear across the house is swearing. I felt so bad I wanted to cry.

But that wasnt all of it. I said once that silence is good, well, I take that back. He just stood there by the stove. My mom came in from the other room and sat on a stool. There was nothing but pure silence in that room. All you could hear was the soft hum of the lights and my dish rag rubbing on a plate. I started to feel a wave on nausia pass over me and I clutched my stomach with one hand, while I could feel my fathers anger in the air. Now as I write, he is in the next room watching Cheers and hopefully "cheer"ing up. Sometimes I wish he would lighten up..For Life!

The End of My Pitiful Story

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Me and the big bad thing called...love

You know that girl, I'm sure you see her everywhere; shes the one you see sitting alone on a bench. She is the one writing poetry in home room before the bell rings. The one who is so ignorant that she breaks her own heart. And if you know the girl, you already know the guy. He walks in five minutes late just because he can. At six foot three, he's captain of the football team. He's got an expensive car and even more expensive friends. You see him listening to the latest Lil' Wayne music on his $150 i-pod. He's your average, run-of-the-mill hunk/prince with a brilliant mind, a good sense of humor and superior muscles that are an added bonus. Everyone knows the story of Cinderella and Prince Charming. But, wasn't that a fairy tale? This is real life. Things dont end up happily ever after here.

O.k. so maybe i exaggerated a little big. He really isnt 6'3" and not the captain of the football team. But you get the point he is so perfect and i could never be good enough to suit him. I guess if i could ever work up the courage this is what i would say to him.

"All i know is that i have to think about not thinking about you. You are that perfect image in the back of my mind that stays there forever no matter how hard I try to will it away. When you smile it is like the sun coming out to shine after a grey, drizzly morning. You are like the perfect love song, the passion that sweeps over you, the lyrics that seem to flow through mid air and tickle your ears with the whole truth behind the meaning. Its like your insides are filled with melting chocolate and your turing into a rushing river of soft sweetness....but unfortunatly you will never feel the way I do."

Ahh, the bitter irony of it all. The single thought that he could possibly love me is enough to set tears streaming down my face, because I realize how utterly ridiculous it is. He's never going to know how i feel because I will never be able to work up the courage to tell him the truth. It is a rather sad story but it is the story of my life.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Oh another grueling day at school. Well actually not. There was weights class to live through, which is getting easier and easier every week as i progressively grow stronger. Physical Science is a joke though, ever since our teacher, Mrs. Walsh, has been gone on maturnity leave that classroom is the joke capital of the school. For one our sub is an ex-English teacher, she doesn't know squat about science. Her nickname is Mrs. Mountains, and we like to say she has a built-in armrest For two, its electricity, personally the most boring topic on the planet. (No offense to any one who likes it) Who really wants to learn about circuts and switches, Uggh. So my friend and I sit in the back of the room and talk the whole time and comment on everything she says under our breath.

Spanish is just another study hall, Computer Apps is still retarded, English is amazing. Math is difficult, but I am getting the hang of it finally. Most important of all Eighth Hour World Geo, best class ever. Its not only easy but I have so much fun in that class. I am the only girl and the guys for once act somewhat mature...ok maybe not but..Hey there nice to me at least!
Well the PrisonGuard (my dad) is home so I better get going. Bye all.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Scholastic Contest

Well i just got back from a dumb scholastic contest. I spent the first half of the day walking around looking lost, being late for my tests and worrying over everthing. I finally met up with some Junior girls who were nice enough to let me "hang out" with them because i was all alone. The most remembered part of the whole day was waiting in the crowded gym waiting (stomach flip-flopping) for awards. I ended up taking home two second place medals. On the way home i just sat there on the bus listening to my music and i thought. Is there more to life than just some silly award? The obvious answer is yes.

I spent all day wandering around in circles looking at people i didnt even know wondering who they really were. I watched college kids and thought about how I would be when I am older. I saw couples together and wondered what it would be like to have someone that will always be there for you. Most days I'm not very close with my own friends and I have never had a boyfriend before. I am supposedly allowed to have one as soon as I turn sixteen but I kind of doubt that my parents will approve of anyone I date anyway. But at the contest someone said to me. "You know your kinda quiet" I couldnt help but agree with them. Silence can sometimes be your best friend. It usually is for me....

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Welcome to my very incredibly unique life

I can decribe my life in one word.... pathetic I am fifteen and I am not allowed the same privileges that other kids do. I can't go places with friends often, I can't play sports, and I have to work every night after school. I am tired of my parents gaurding me like I am a convict. I am ready to start living my life and they think im ready for baby food. I just wish sometimes that they would leave me be. My dad is just too hard on me, he always expects me to do things i just cant do. I know I know, people say its just because he loves me and doesnt want to see me hurt and bla bla bla. Trust me i know my dad and there is something more than that. He doesnt trust me and I am never going to be good enough for him. I just wish he would see that I'm not a little girl anymore, but Im afraid that is impossible

Metaphor of the Day:
My life is a top spinning around when the top is spinning its a good day when all goes well. When top comes crashing to a stop its a bad day. The days when it falls off the counter to the floor are the blackest days yet. My life (the top) depends on the person in control to pick it back up and set it spinning again.