Thursday, June 10, 2010

An Excerpt From An Everyday Nightmare

This is from my notebook, from homecoming day last fall. This kind of day used to happen once or twice a week. This is the everyday, ordinary me when I fight with my friends. I hate being this way and I hope sophomore year is better. I don't think I can go through another year of this...

Here I sit, another typical day, wasting paper on my own foolish thoughts. I just betrayed one friend and I'm avoiding two others. You have no idea how low I feel right now. I want so bad to go home, go back to bed and slide under the covers, and hide from the world. It may be homecoming but I feel lousy. At least I get out of school somewhat early. If only I could hide somewhere and just cry. But I could never cry in public. My whole world is fading and I try to keep it alive, but I just cant fight it anymore. I don't want to live, but I'm too scared to die. I'm lost between the two. I must sum up because in five minutes I'll be meeting a watered-down, earth-version of hell. God save me from my own stupidity.

I think it speaks for itself, and I don't want my summer or the rest of my life to be this way. I want to step out of this hole in my life and walk away a brand new person. I want to be the girl guys want to be around, not because I am slutty, but because I am nice and I make them laugh. I want to be the girl that people want to be friends with not because I am popular, but because I am honest, true and loyal. But I ask myself is this possible? Can I change now and be that different person?

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