Saturday, July 31, 2010

Confessions of a Teenage (insert descriptive word)

I know the title says I'm a romantic, which is of course true. However, that is not the only thing I am. I am also a procrastinator. I always put things off until the last minute. I am famous for starting things I never finish. I have tried to write a half a dozen books since I was in 6th grade. The furthest I have gotten was like 2 chapters. Then I lose interest, and sometimes I just don't know where to go, or what to write. With short poems, and songs I can finish my thoughts up. It's the same way with running; I am no distance runner. I am good at short, fast sprints, but when it comes to the mile...epic failure. No lie, I would crash and burn before I got halfway to the finish line, which is part of the reason I don't do competitive sports. I like playing volleyball, but the practice is not worth the playing time.

I also (as you can see) get caught chasing rabbit trails. I started out talking about procrastinating, and end up talking about volleyball. I do this with all sorts of things, and I tend to get a little off subject sometimes. Talking to people online I have also learned something about myself. I talk a lot more then everyone else. In person I hardly talk at all, but typing is just different. One word conversations just don't fly with me. Its like an invisible silence is in the chat, and I must fill the void with as many words as fast as I can. That way the silence doesn't become a black hole and sucks us into it, and we are never seen again. Very few people accept that, and those that do are probably my best friends. Funny thing, that most the chatty girls in person, are the one word repliers with texting or chat. I am the shy one in public, but I can type a lot in a chat.

Lastly, I am a little too self critical. I see my work and I think it sucks. No matter what it is, a poem, a cover, or just my appearance in general. My friends spend half of their time trying to convince me that, I am not as lousy as I feel. I am most definitely, not as good as they think I am. They are a little biased I think, and as a rule, you can't be too critical to a friend. The goal of friendship is to accept everyone just they way they are. But for a change, I want someone to rip my work apart, and tell me what I can improve on. I know I will never be a great writer, but I want to be the best I can be, in everything I do.

Friday, July 30, 2010

I'm back, and its really me this time.

We are all humans, and lets face it, we are NEVER satisfied with ourselves. This is the third title change for my blog. It was originally My Very Incredibly Unique Life, but as anyone can see, my life is pretty dull. Then it went to Girl of A Thousand Heartaches, but that made me seem more depressed than I really am. So here we go, Title number 3; Adventures of a Teenage Romantic. Hopefully it will stay this way for a while. I think I am finally happy with my blog the way it is, but I still can't get the blue off the background so if anyone can help me out I would appreciate it greatly. I can be a little computer handicapped at times.

I have had writers block for nearly a week and its driving me insane. I have been working on two books at the same time, and neither is really passed the first chapter. So instead, I have been putting together covers for them. I have two covers made but the one cover is too wide for the website I am posting them on. Since, I have been spending a lot of time on the internet, writing and making covers I have neglected the house chores a little bit. That resulted in getting my bedroom door taken away, luckily its back now. I wont be able to do very much writing today, because I have to work (which is very rare for me in the summer). Anyway, I just thought I would let you all know, that I am, indeed, still alive and fully functioning. Not just adding poems and other mindless things on here. So, I'm off to mow for 5 or so hours straight. Have a great day, all!

Friday, July 23, 2010

I Dance Alone


I fell out of love
So I hit the club
I don't want no one around
Just turn the music up loud
Leave your drink on the table
You don't read my label
Sorry if you get the wrong impression
I came here to lose depression

I Dance Alone
You can't take me home
You want to play this game?
You'll go down with shame.
So let the games begin
I'll bet “all in”
Your one night stand
Is a losing hand
You can't take me home
Cause I dance alone

Just get off back
Don't talk like that!
Ya say that love is all you want
But I'm the prey in your stupid hunt
Well, here is a news flash
I don't like your white trash
Boy,why don't you show some gratitude
You don't mess with my attitude

I Dance Alone
You can't take me home
You want to play this game?
You'll go down with shame.
So let the games begin
I'll bet “all in”
Your one night stand
Is a losing hand
You can't take me home
Cause I dance alone

I just want to dance
You don't have a chance
To play with my heart
I'll never fall apart
Won't ever let down my guard
Because my heart is scarrred
So just leave me be
Now you can see

I Dance Alone
You can't take me home
You want to play this game?
You'll go down with shame.
So let the games begin
I'll bet “all in”
Your one night stand
Is a losing hand
You can't take me home
Cause I dance alone
You can't take me home
You want to play this game?
You'll go down with shame.
So let the games begin
I'll bet “all in”
Your one night stand
Is a losing hand
You can't take me home
Cause I dance alone

Futile


I'm wishing right now I wasn't alone
I'd do anything to make you come home
But when there's nothing left to do
That's when I want to be with you
But something stops me every time
I catch up, yet I fall behind
I want so bad to be yours
But you close up all the doors
In one swift motion
Like a sick love potion
I fall down on my knees
And I cry myself to sleep
Will I ever get some rest?
I feel the heart beat in my chest
And wonder why I care so much
I cant go on without your touch
I'm wrapped around your fingers
In my head, your picture lingers
Tell me why should I go on?
Stealing light from the dawn
It would be easier to do
Then trying to get over you.
I know I should put the pain aside
Try to mask the tears I hide
Wrap on a big, warm smile
And endeavor to forget awhile
But I already know it's futile

Sunday, July 18, 2010

My Last Few Days

Lately I haven't blogged very much. I have been drained with stress, and also anemia. Its not serious so I not worried, it just makes me tired and have a loss of appetite. I have been laying around the house, and kind of being a sloth, barely moving and lacking in the ambition area. I have accomplished very little, reading romance novels on the internet, becoming an alternate rock junkie-practically overnight-, making a video for my friend (the one posted on my previous blog.) and trying to figure out what the point is in my life.

Now, I'm not extremely happy by any means, but I am better than I have been. Now that the certain someone that-I'm-not so sure how I feel about him,  is back from playing baseball in Texas, I have been feeling better. I am smiling again, just talking to him online makes me happy. In all honestly, I have never met the object of my apparent attraction. We just stumbled across each other online. He was nice, cute and apparently we have a  lot in common. I can pretty much tell him anything, because really it doesn't matter what he knows, he can't spread rumors about me if he doesn't even know me. But to some extend, yes, he does know me I have told him things even some of my closest friends don't know. He just seems to get me and everything we talk about just seems to prove a chemistry between us. Maybe its just me, but I have been starved for male attention for so long now. I try to tell myself that he and I will never be anything more than friends, but deep down I hope it isn't true.

So here I sit, laptop on my lap, Stitches in my heart (well not technically) and a faint nausea in my stomach. Most of the sickness has died down by now, but it still lingers when I stand up too fast when I've been sitting a while. And another thing I hate talking to someone when occasionally you have to ask them if they're still there. It just gets on my nerves and if you ask why I brought it up, its because I am in one of those conversations at the moment. With the 'ahem' boy, I need to come up with some secret name so I can talk about him all I want and never have to say his real name. I was going to go with Shorty but I received new information today and discovered he is three inches taller than me, so that is out of the question. Maybe I'll have to go with John Dough 2, but that sounds too suspicious like he was involved in the bombing of the Murrah building. I have just been going with HE, and HIM whenever referring to him when I talk to my best friend. Then I got to all the silly nicknames calling him Willy, William, Wilbur, and of course my best friends favorite Wil-I-Am. I guess when I come up with something, my Blog followers, you will be the first to know, ok so my only Blog Follower is my best friend and she will already know, because I tell her everything. Oh well.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Maggie, and Me!!

This video is for my Maggie! And all of my friends that have made so many good memories with me. I love you all so, so much!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

When the rain falls down, thoughts of him flood my brain. I feel completely lost without his face on my screen. I hope that he liked breaking the heart of an innocent girl.Through sorrow and heartbreak, sometimes there's someone that is always there for you. Someone you really don't deserve, but they love you unconditionally. Someone that is there for you no matter what life throws at you, or on occasion when life tends to throw YOU. There is always someone there that never lets you down. That catches you when you dive head first off a cliff. Sometimes God is looking down over your shoulder, and places someone in your life to get you through all the painful times. I am lucky to have someone that will never leave me, and i have several of those people. Thank you, God, for Lexi, Juliana, Anya, Stevey, and of course Wil. I am forever indebted to you....

Sunday, July 11, 2010

My Wil To Live

I havent known you all that long
But I just had to write this song
And its about time you see
Just how much you mean to me

You hold me down
Without you around
I'd fall off the ground
You're the courage behind my fears
You're the laughter in my tears
You're the only thing that got me here

You give me strength
The reason for my faith
You have my heart
Its all I can give
You are my comfort
My Wil to live

First thing you said to me was “hey”
I think I fell in love that day
But I'm not gonna say
You didnt let me feel sorry for myself
And you told me, I should be like nobody else
Now its time to see
Why you make me so happy

You hold me down
Without you around
I'd fall off the ground
You're the courage behind my fears
You're the laughter in my tears
You're the only thing that got me here

You give me strength
The reason for my faith
You have my heart
Its all I can give
You are my comfort
My Wil to live

When my battery is about to die
You're like a charger full of life
I can't explain it, the way im feeling
I just think my heart is finally healing
And you got me believing

And,You hold me down
Without you around
I'd fall off the ground
You're the courage behind my fears
You're the laughter in my tears
You're the only thing that got me here

You give me strength
The reason for my faith
You have my heart
Its all I can give
You are my comfort
My Wil to live
(my wil to liveee, my wil live)

I know I havent known me all that long
But my hearts cant stop singing this songggg.

Friday, July 9, 2010

The Story of My Hometown

The Story of My Hometown:
Oakdale, Nebraska

There's a story to tell, a story to know
The story of my hometown, many years ago
It may look like a ghetto to you
Full of broken dreams that don't come true
But there is history in this ground
You'll catch a glimpse if you stick around
But things were different back then
I don't think it will be that way again

That asphalt road, it used to be dirt
And your car broke down when your horse got hurt
The old, broken-down, houses were once majestic
But now they are weathered and quite pathetic
The town was established in 1872
And began to grow when the railroad went through
This was the oldest town and the county seat
Until 1883 when it lost in defeat
But the pioneer people, they just didn't give up
They fought for their way of life, no matter what

Together they fought flu epidemics and drought
All they had were their neighbors and God, no doubt
The school they built in 1912 still stands today
They may have been stubborn, but they had their way
From the flour mill, to the railroad depot
They were strong and intelligent people
So don't look down on the people here, now
A hundred years after the *Pen and The Plow
We're still good people, so don't look down
Every time you drive through our broken little town
- Angela Richart

* The “Pen and The Plow” refers to Oakdale's second newspaper started in 1877

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

How I'm Made


I am extraordinary
No one is quite like me
I prefer to be myself
Don't need to be nobody else
I can play air guitar like no other
I have firm parents and older brothers
And we still fight, to this day
But thats just how I'm made

I only believe what I can see
I never sit and watch T.V.
Didn't need no guitar picks
I learned to play with my fingertips
And it might not sound pretty to you
But I play my heart out, true
Guess you can say
I do things the hard way
But that's just how I'm made

My parents never paid for cable
So I grew up with fairy tales and fables
About princes, and dragons
Then, white covered wagons
I was real fond of reading
And I dont show my feelings
I didnt grow up with a lot of toys
And I get nervous around most boys
I'm clumsy, I got no grace
But thats just how I'm made

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Big Green Dot!

Sometimes you are happy, sometimes you are sad. Right now there are honestly so many different emotions running about in my head. I don't know what I feel. I let someone in my heart, and they destroyed it. Then in a few short days I was fine again, and back to normal. But now someone else has walked into my life and captured my heart. I keep trying to get it back but it is impossible. He has no idea what he has taken from me, its a very vital organ not meant to be tampered with. He is just friends with me for now, but I cannot deny the feelings I have for him. He lives three long hours away, but from the second I saw his picture I felt something snap. I will never, ever be the same girl again. He has permanently changed me, and I don't know how to cope with the emotions tearing my apart right now. He is so cute, and sweet and funny. He makes my day just by simply existing. He could flip my world upside down if he wanted to. I don't know how I am supposed to handle this. It makes me want to cry, because I know he will never ask me out. We live too far away. But we have so much in common and I can tell he likes me, too. But fate has to be cruel. Around, Wil, I can be myself. I don't have to think about what I say, I just say things and they seem to be good enough for him. He accepts the fact that I am a good girl, and have rather strict parents. He makes me laugh more than one guy ever could. When I see he's online my heart skips a beat, and I live for the big green dot next to his name.
Ugh, when will I ever learn to listen to my brain over my heart? I know I will just keep dreaming about him, until the day when he stops replying to my messages. Until then I will still wait on the big, green dot.