Tuesday, August 31, 2010

The True Story of Love and Romance

From the start we were against the odds. The skeptics said we didn’t have a chance. Neither realistic nor superstitious people believe in us. Our long distance relationship started on Friday the Thirteenth. It doesn’t stand a chance, Right? Well, we are out to prove them all wrong. I am a Nebraskan country girl, he is a North Carolina beach boy, but we just make sense. We have a lot in common, and there’s no way in hell I am ever going to let him go. We both had rough pasts, and have a lot of baggage. Together we will find a way to bypass the pain and hurt in our lives, and find love and hope in each other. But, how can you fall in love with someone who lives across the country? Don’t ask me to explain how it happened it just did. The only thing I am absolutely sure of right now is that I love Richard Scott Hanson with all of my heart. This is our story; it’s the story of our love and our life. (Insert long and beautiful romance novel) You see, there really isn’t a story yet. I know someday there will be one, and I can go back and fill in the blank. But for now, all I can say is that I love him, and he loves me and we’re crazy…for each other.

I have known Scottie for a few months now, I’m not quite sure how long. We have been dating a little over 2 weeks. So, after such a short time, how can I be in love with him? Like I said before, I’m not sure how it all happened, but it did. I am glad it did, because frankly it’s the best thing that has ever happened to me. I won’t trade his love for anything in the world, and I don’t ever want to be with another guy. Even if we do separate someday, I will never stop loving him. Because loving him is like breathing, it is vital to living. If I stop loving him I will die. There are no if’s, and’s, or but’s about it. I have saved several of our conversations, all of his pictures and some of his messages to me. I have written songs and poems for him, where I profess my undying love for him. I know I sound like I should be in a psych ward, but believe me no one on earth could love Scott, as much as I do. It could be the fact that he is like unlike any other guy I have ever met, or simply the fact that he is strong, sensitive, sweet and caring. He is a true miracle, he has taught me some very valuable lessons, and he is all that keeps me going. I love him more than my life, and I don’t care who knows. I hope everyone in the world can find a love like that, because it truly is the greatest thing on earth and I thank God everyday for putting Scott in my life.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

A Day In The Life Of...

I am currently laying in bed, feeling as sick as a dog. My sinus are all plugged up, and my head feels like its about to explode into a thousand pieces. I have recently started to feel nauseated, and the glands in my neck are all swollen and it hurts to move my head. My best friend right now is my pillow and my box of kleenx's, both of which are right beside me. Lets just say its been a rough week. School hasn't gone that terrible bad, its just the fact that I am in school. My week started with a big fight with Scott, that I am totally to blame for. I was feeling in that desperate, jealous, pity-party kind of way. I saw he said some other girl was sweet, and I got jealous, and doubted his feelings for me. After he explained the whole thing, I felt like an idiot, and I spent the next two days apologizing non-stop, while he ignored me. I had a long conversation with my mother, and my best friend Harlie, and thanks to the two of them, we are back together. But I haven't talked to him much these last few day and its rather depressing.

Speaking of depressing, my day has been rather depressing. Not only the sickness part of it, but the parental part. The past few days I have been fighting them for everything under the sun. They think that they can run my life, and make all my decisions for me.  My dad wants me to work for him next summer, which may pay good, but it's very stressful work and its jut not what I want to do. He also wants me to buy a cow, to invest my money in. Well, maybe I want to do something else. Have you ever considered me in your stupid plans? Then, when I tell them that I am sick, they accuse me of being anorexic, and hypochondriac. For one second they can't stop and listen to me. I know my body, maybe not that well, but I know that I feel like crap. Honestly, I think there is something seriously wrong with me, but they won't believe me. They just say I am trying to get attention, and to get out of working. They say they care about me, so once in a while they have to do something nice, so I can't say they are always mean. Take today for instance, my mom let me use the dishwasher to wash dishes for a change. Oh wow, Mom, that is really making you out to be such a sweet, and caring mother. When I went to my Modern Woodmen Speech Contest, you happened to walk in late, and when I won all you had to say to me was "Are you ready to go home". There was no "Congratulations" or "Good Job" no, she didn't even smile at me. Yeah, well that's just another day in the life of a Teenage Romantic.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Back To School....I Would Totally Run Away...

Well. I have been back in school now for two days. My classes are all pretty good, but there are some that I have a few problems with. First hour I have English, which is peachy, then American History, and Biology. Those three classes are pretty cool with me, they are all with my whole class. Then I have Art, which I have no talent for, but it filled in the empty spot in my schedule. Sixth hour is Geometry, which I absolutely suck at. Anything math related, makes me so frustrated, because I just don't get it sometimes. I still will end up practically acing it, though. I get so worked up over it, that I have been known to throw things across the room, and I once broke a calculator over my head, because I was so mad. Math is always right before lunch, too, so I am always hungry and with this stupid anemia crap it is even worse. After lunch, is my amazing Spanish class. It is probably my favorite, because there are three sometimes four of us. Dustin, is my best friends boyfriend, and hes been my buddy for two years; Anthony a.k.a. (Chubbs), had Spanish with me last year and we had some good times together; Sometimes Brianne will be there, and I have known her since I was little. Spanish is basically a goof off class, but I really love it! Then I have study hall with Mrs. Walsh, and every other day I am the only girl, which is cool with me. Then I have my terrifying speech class, which I am the only sophomore in a group of juniors and senior. That is pretty scary for me, but since I am not a terrible public speaker I think I will live.

Why do you ask, am I so positive right now? Well I have met an angel/my personal savior, Scott. He understands me, he makes me smile when I feel like crying, and he never lets me feel sorry for myself. The greatest thing to ever happen to me, was to accidentally run across him. I know, no matter how hard my day was, he will be there at night to let me vent out my feelings. This year, I know, is going to be hard, but with God's grace, and Scott's love I can make it. I also have decided if any drastic crisis does happen, I have what it takes to run away to him. North Carolina is really far away, but if I had to, I would go find him. He is worth it, and I would do anything to be with him, and to take away his pain. Even if i had to suffer, I would save him. He means more to me than anyone on earth, and right now he is doubling as Boyfriend and Best friend. I can really, and honestly can say that I love him more than anything else on earth...forever.

Friday, August 13, 2010

I'm Falling For You, Don't Catch Me I Love The Rush...[adrenaline junkie]

Ahhh! there is finally a sense of security, of safety in my heart. I found out what I wanted, I went after it, and I got it. I won the heart of Scott Hanson. I am the happiest girl in the world tonight. It started yesterday when we started talking. We became best friends, then pals, then we decided this morning to fake date, to piss off his ex. But I loved him, and we told each other how we felt. I told him I was falling for him, and he was falling for me. Well, after talking all day yesterday, and all day today, we are in love. I hate the fact that he lives so far away, its over 1500 miles, but we are connected at heart. He has been gone a couple hours, and I miss him so much. I know I sound like just another naive, lovestruck child, but I have known Scott a long time, and he let me in on parts of his life that no one has ever known. He told me the heart wrenching tale of his parents, and nothing in this world has touched me that way before. I cried for a boy I have never even met before. He is a gentleman, but he can be a bad boy. Its the perfect combination for me. If only he lived closer, then we could date for real.

Scott is so much different than any guy I have ever met. He is the only guy online I have ever prayed for. I have no idea why, but Scott was different then anyone else, he was always different. He is the only guy I have ever said " I love you" to, or said it was ok if he kissed me. Because, Scott is different, he opened up to me, and he taught me a very valuable lesson, that life isn't so hard. He is a constant reminder that, no matter what I go through I can make it, because he did. In his pictures his eyes look so sad. I wish I could kiss them and erase all the pain in them. I want to kiss the frown off his face. I hope someday I will see him smile. He admitted to me, that he is bald right now because of his surgery. I think he thought I would reject him, but it honestly doesn't bother me. Hair grows back, and I cant be there to see him anyway. I just wish I could. Right now I would do anything to be with him, and that is the full truth.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Who Do I Choose? I Think I Know Now.

Well, an update on the love life: Single. Confusion, pretty much explains the last few days, but now I think I have finally made up my mind what I want. An update on the four main guys, Wil is in love with another girl, but her parents won't let them date because he is a senior. Blake has his girlfriend, of a couple years now. Scott is wanted by hundreds of girls across the country. Josh is a sweet guy, he sang for me on the phone, and he stood up for me. He accepts all the dorkiness about me, and likes to joke around.He told his family about me, and the other night he said that he loved me. From all of this you can about imagine who I would choose. Josh seems to be the obvious answer. Well, there is a part of this puzzle that is missing.

This morning, I was talking to Scott, and he let me in on a piece of his past that I honestly don't think any girl has ever known. He is alone in life, his parents left him with his uncle two years ago. If it were not for him, he would have been left in a foster home. As I have said before he had to go to the hospital, because of his tumor and girls have broken his heart too many times. I felt so bad for complaining about my life, when his was so much worse. The past couple of days, I thought about Josh, and how great I thought he was. Then, today after talking with my best friend on the phone, I finally got my life into perspective, and I know now that Josh and I could never work. There are things about him that just don't agree with me. It feels like I am forcing feelings with him, that just aren't there. He may be a friend, but that is all, I can't date him. Scott keeps coming back into my head, and despite the competition he seems to be the only one I want to talk to. Right now I am expecting a call from Josh, but I really would rather talk to Scott more than anyone else. I know that sounds bad, but I can't help my feelings for the poor, lonely boy inside of him. Wil was just a friend,  Blake was a fairy tale, and Josh was a distraction,  but Scott has always been the one.

Monday, August 9, 2010

WARNING: Information Overload. a.k.a. (Massive Confusion Epidemic)

Let me just start out by stating the obvious; I am very, horribly, confused. When will I ever get over boys?? Currently I have four boys in my head. First one is Wil, he will forever be stuck inside my skull, because I can't get him out. He doesn't do distance relationships, so we are just friends for now. But, I can't help but notice, I have stronger feelings and more in common with him than any other guy. He is just too darn cute, and funny.

Second boy in my head is Scott. He told me he loved me twice yesterday and once today, not that I'm counting. But it doesn't mean that much coming from him, because he talks to so many girls. He has over two thousand girls on Tagged!! I was curious once so I looked on his friend list, and he has 13 Amanda's, 8 Amber's, and at least 4 Angela's. I am obviously not the first person he has said I love you to. I do care about him, a great deal, but I don't want to have to compete with all those other girls. I would rather just stay out of his mess of a life, but he's just too darn charming.

Then I keep falling back to Blake. He is the boy from the post "The Boy On Crutches Stopped To Help." He was the boy who helped me when everything fell out of my bag. I've known him going on four years and he has never hurt me, but he could never like me. Lately, every time I close my eyes I see him, and its scaring me, because I thought I had gotten over him. When I see him online my heart doesn't skip a beat like it does when Wil is online, it just tingles a little. I don't know what to think, but I better figure out quick, because school is almost here.

Now, there is a new guy. His name is Josh, hes 16 from Pennsylvania. I talked to him for a while and he seemed like a pretty decent guy. We ended up adding each other on Facebook, and chatting on there for a while. He asked me out, but I turned him down, because of the distance. But the thing that made me think about him was this; he stood up for me like no one has done before. It was an accidental thing, but it is kind of hilarious, to me anyway. I was telling him about my dad, and Mooyo (creepy 22 year old stalker, from previous post), in the same message. He asked me what he said, and I thought he was talking about my dad so I said that he called me stupid and worthless. He actually meant Mooyo, so he sent a nasty message to him. When he showed me the message, I cracked up and told him that my dad said that, not Mooyo. I told him how much I appreciated it either way and now (Thank God) Mooyo leaves me alone. I haven't talked to Josh since last night, but I know he isn't the ladies man that, I know Wil, and Scott are. He's just sweet, and he doesn't push me into anything.

Hopefully, I can clear my head so I can choose who I should really be with. My thoughts are so wild there is no way I can catch them from bouncing around in my cranium, if anyone has advice, it would be nice to receive some instead of dishing it out all the time. That's All Folks.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

I'm Sorry, But Your Age Is Way Out Of My Comfort Zone!!

Lately on Tagged, I have been attracting 20-year old guys. They are at least five years older than me, and they give me the creeps. I just want to shout "Hello, Dude, can't you foresee a possible problem here? I'm only FIFTEEN!!!!" The first guy at least quit talking to me after he found out I was a little young for him (he was 26). Then the next guy, who by the way has a hilarious name (Mooyo, no lie!! haha), he like fell in love with me. I was talking to him, like I would talk to anyone, and somehow I must have lead him on. He seemed interesting, because he used to live in Europe and he knew 4 different language. He also lived fairly close to me, in Des Moines, Iowa. Well, I soon found out this guy wasn't 16, and his name was definitely not Mike Armstrong. He was freaking 22 years old, and now he's obsessed with me. Can you say Creepy? He has sent me 3 tags, which are like animated  picture things, and the are kisses and roses. I try to be nice to the guy, but its like, come on seriously? Then he constantly wants me to come visit him. Well, I am a crappy driver, and there is no way in hell I am driving four and a half hours just to visit a 22 year old pedophile.

This morning has not been good. My brother has been sick all day and my dad has a major case of the Cranky Pants, which is a very serious condition if you dare to cross him. At 8:00 this morning some guy added me on Tagged. He was very cute, wait scratch that; he was totally gorgeous!! So naturally, I added him back and before long he sent me a message. He was different than most guys, he took me by surprise when he didn't start out flirting with me. He just wondered why I was up so early. Apparently, he had a dream that woke him up, which is really weird because I had one last night too. It was scary everything around me was on fire, and I could only run in slow motion.  Anyway, we chatted for a while, and he seemed to be pretty interesting. Then, here he tells me he is 20 years old. I am like "Wow, how does this keep happening?" I mean 20 isn't terrible, its 5 years older, but its old enough. I have a stinking suspicion that he just wants in my pants anyway. Well, another day, another creeper. Hopefully, I get better luck soon.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Ya Think I Would Learn After Time # 999,999

Alright, well I have learned my lesson over and over again. When will I learn? Guys online are not who they say they are, so don't fall in love. My friends keep reminding me not to, but I do anyway. There was a guy I really thought I liked but, he must not have felt the same. So, this time I am going to take the advice of my friends. From here on out, I will only be friends with guys. I have a few good guy friends on Tagged, and I guess that's all I can ask for. They are three totally different guys, but each have their good qualities.

Chris is 17, and from New Hampshire. He likes baseball and cars. I have spent hours today trying to convince him he is not fat. When I see he is online, I just go "Huh, cool." (Indifference). Scott is 15 from North Carolina. He likes surfing, he is the one I was talking about in previous blog. He's had his heart broken a few too many times. He is a sweetheart, and if we lived closer, I'd date him in a heartbeat. When he is online, I go "Yayy Scottie!!" (Like) Then there is Wil, he is 17 and from Iowa [Yay, only 3 hours away!]. I have written numerous blogs about him. He likes baseball, swing sets, alternate rock music, Taylor Swift, The Cardinals, strawberry ice cream...I could go on forever. I have talked to him for a long time, and every day I like him more and more. When I see he is online first I grin and my heart goes into overdrive, then I say "Crap, crap, crap, I want to talk to him, but I don't want to seem too desperate. Oh my gosh, would it kill him to start the conversation." (That is getting pretty close to the big L word). I haven't dropped the word for a while, and hopefully I wont anytime soon, for my own good.

Well, That's All Folks!

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Will Boys Ever Learn?

I met this guy on the internet a few weeks back. I know, I am always meeting some guy, and he is always better than the last guy.Usually they never go anywhere, but I sense this guy is different. I know we would never work, because he lives across the country from me, but he is a really sweet guy. The thing with Scott, is that he has had his heart broken a few too many times, and it is all because of the same girl.

He has dated the same girl three times in a row. The first time she cheated on him, and the second time she accused him of cheating on her. Well, they have recently broken up again, although I'm not sure why. When I met him, he was breaking up with her the second time. He was going into the hospital to get a tumor removed, that the doctors thought might have been cancer. He was going through a lot of pressure, and that is when she left him. I couldn't help but feel for him. He was all alone in a hospital bed, lonely and scared. He said he just wanted someone to be with him to help him through. I was all he had then, and I prayed for him that night.

The next morning I got a message from him saying that that he was alright, and the tumor wasn't cancerous. I noticed later, his ex wrote on his Tagged profile, saying she was sorry and she wanted to make it up to him. Well, in a few days they were back together, and I left them be. I told him I would always be there for him, and be a friend. I hadn't talked  to him in a week or two, until last night. I noticed his status and I thought he was hurting again, apparently I was right. This morning he is single again, and I hope its the last time he goes after her. I told him last time not to do anything he would regret, and not to get hurt again. After three times, will he ever learn? I hope so for both our sakes, because I hate seeing him hurt. I have a soft spot for sweet guys like him, and seeing him so upset makes me sad. Will the boy ever learn his lesson? Heaven help him.

Monday, August 2, 2010

The Boy On Crutches Stopped To Help

Ahhh! There is nothing like eating Raisin Bran, for lunch at 1:00 in the afternoon, with a spoon that was once caught in the garbage disposer, and savoring a stolen Hostess cupcake, while blogging about nothing important. Days are often quite like this, in life of a teenage romantic. I could write a book on all the odd habits, and stupid things I do, because I am a romantic. Being a romantic is pretty simple, if you are a unique person. You just have to love loving people, which I do rather extensively. I wanted to fall in love since I was eight years old. I watched a Danielle Steel's movie with my mom called Zoya. It interested me in two ways, there was the history in it about the Russian Revolution, that I enjoyed, and the obvious romantic reason.

After that, I was a romantic forever. I started crushing on boys when I was in fourth grade. Of course, back then it was really nothing to get worked up over. There was a boy I kind of liked, but it never went farther than that. There were a few others in fifth and sixth grade, but in all honesty, It actually took a lot for me to like a guy. The odd thing about me is that, besides the fact that I am a romantic; I am also a realist. You would think the two together would clash, but they work pretty well for me. For instance, I know better than to fall in love with a singer or a movie star, or even some cute guy, that really doesn't have anything in common with me. I just know better. There is one exception to that rule, and the only time I have fallen really hard for someone I shouldn't have. It was one of those love-at-first-sight deals. This was the biggest, most secretive, and dangerous crushes a girl could have.

Yeah, I thought I liked boys before, but I was way wrong. It wasn't just his good looks, or his popularity. It was simply how nice he was. He had personality, and maturity like no one I have ever met. It took me three years to get over this crush. Three years of crying myself to sleep, and thinking about him. When he got hurt and had to go on crutches, I would sometimes hold the door for him, and carry his stuff to the next class. I was sure to never seem overly excited to help him and be near him. We had a few things in common, but whenever we were alone in a room, it just felt awkward. Sometimes he talked to me, usually he was quiet. But, he was always polite, and smiling. The one time I was helping him with homework in Health class, (ok it was more like I gave him the answers to most of the question.) and our elbows touched. I felt like an electric current had gone through me, and I practically jumped out of my skin. Then there was the time I had been walking with my backpack open and all my books fell out. My friends laughed at me and walked away. I was frustrated and embarrassed, but when I reached down to start collecting my stuff, he leaned down too, and helped pick up my books and hand them to me. At the time, he was on crutches too! My friends walked away and the boy on crutches stopped to help. See, this was why I liked the kid. He is and always will be a sweet guy, but I had to move on. I still think about him a lot, sometimes when I close my eyes I see his face laughing and smiling. I have to prepare myself, because in a few short weeks I have to go back to school and face those blue eyes again. Hopefully, the summer made me stronger, but you just never know.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Why I Hate Lecture Sessions & Want To Fall Madly In Love.

I've just spend a good hour of my life in Lecture Session with my parents. They seem to think that my life has entered Self Destruct mode, and I am rapidly getting worse. The actual content of the lecture is way to complicated to talk about, and most people wouldn't understand. Lets just say they think I am wasting my life on the internet talking to people, avoiding my work, and ok maybe I don't eat the way I should. Half of the time they were talking I had my head buried in pillows refusing to even look at them across the room. I pretended to fall asleep (but I was pretty close anyway), and forever later I finally heard "Well, its getting late you two should head to bed." I didn't want to make it seem too obvious that I had been waiting  over an hour to hear that. I just laid there, like I really was sleeping until my mom said my name. I mumbled something inaudible  before giving her a hug and restraining myself from sprinting from the room.

My parents have never understood me, nor will they ever, because they just don't take the time. My mom is the only one that even knows I like to write. My family just assumes I'm on the computer all the time talking to friends. While I spend a good share of my time talking to people, I spend a lot of it writing and reading other people's work on inkpop.com. They have no idea the dreams, and goals I have set out for my future. They have no clue that I want to fall in love. I have never had anything close to love in my life before. I do care about my friends and family and it some weird, twisted way it is form of love. But I want the true, undiluted, pure, passionate love. I know I am too young, and naive to have that, but is it so hard to come by these days?

There actually is someone I met online, that I really like. I have never met him of course, but I actually have blogged about him before. We have so much in common, even little silly meaningless things, but it gives us something to talk about. Some how, we just connected, and I believe I could tell him almost anything. Well, except for the fact that I probably like him a little more than he likes me. My heart beats double time, when I see he is online, and he just makes me smile. There isn't anything I would change about him, other than the fact that I always start the conversation, and after a while he just stops talking to me. At first, that was really frustrating, but as the weeks go on it doesn't bother me as much. He is just unpredictable, that's all. My friends sometimes think I fall too hard and too fast for people, but that never matters when there is someone to catch you. Unfortunately, I have never had someone to catch me. So, we are just "friends" for now, and probably forever. Huh, that's my life for you. Now, every time I close my eyes I see the face of this guy I had a crush on. I guess it's maybe a getting-over-him-thing, but who know? In my life there is nothing stable or predictable, nothing to lean on and nothing that will always be there no matter what.