Sunday, June 3, 2012

Just Keep Breathing

I have never been able to handle death well, and even harder than death itself is the suffering that precedes death. It is so heartbreaking to see something struggling so hard to survive against all the odds, especially when you know they don’t stand a chance. No matter how many times I stroke that poor baby calf’s nose I know it’s dying, and there’s nothing I can do to help it. It can’t walk, nurse, stand or even move, the only thing it can seem to do is wiggle its ear around and breathe. And that’s what it does; it keeps breathing.
Not two days ago it was running up to its mom from the pasture, but I’m sure by morning it will be a lifeless lump of fur in our backyard. It has no chance, no hope of survival, yet it keeps going. I’ve never seen a calf in such a dire state live so long. I thought for sure when we found it yesterday morning that it would be gone in an hour or two. I never dreamed it would hang on for another day and a half, perhaps that is why this is becoming increasingly difficult.
I keep telling myself, this is ridiculous, it’s a calf, not a human stop crying and grow the hell up. I can just imagine what my brothers would say if they ever read this. They’d probably make fun of me for caring so much. My parents would probably think I was engineering fake feelings to appear to be caring. However all of them are wrong, I do care a lot more than they realize. And just maybe the little guy has taught me some things
See  I am a really big coward. When something hard happens to me, instead of facing it like a man, I cower and hide. I whine about my life to the nearest ear I can grab. When I’m hurt I slap on a big fake smile and hide my feelings in a layer of sarcasm and humor. When I should be straight up honest with someone I fudge the data as a defense mechanism. Well that baby calf is facing a hell of a hard time tonight.
If she makes it through the night, she’l l just have hell again tomorrow, but she may have an end for her misery. Until then she just keeps breathing. Sometimes we all get carried away, lost in our own worlds but we can learn a lesson from the calf. Even if nothing seems to be going right, just keep doing what you know how to do, what you can do, to get by.  Always have hope and Just Keep Breathing.

Monday, April 9, 2012


We have all been rejected in one way or another.  I believe we grow stronger with each and every one. I have been rejected more than you know. Anyone who knows me personally or has ever followed my blog much knows that I had an online boyfriend a long time ago. After finding out that his pictures were fake and dating him (gulp) two more time, I was a mess. What most people don't know was my desperate stage where I threw myself at several guys one right after the other.

Guy #1:
The first guy, lets just call him Wolfman seemed like the perfect guy to get me over my ex. Sweet, strong, handsome cowboy from Texas. I should have seen it coming, I really knew better. Guys online come and go from your life so fast it isn't funny, but he promised he would be there for me. He told me if things got hard for me, he would drive up here and take me away from it all. I believed him; I believed in him. Then came the night he told me the truth.....or so he said. He was a werewolf!

I am sure that is one line no girl can ever say she has heard before. A werewolf, my God how nuts did I think I was? Or better question, how nuts was he!?! So I played along (not believing it of course) thinking that he was just joking. He kept acting normally, like he still liked me and all. I guess he was just playing me for a fiddle, and I fell for it. Shortly thereafter he disappeared for a long time. Last I saw, he had a girlfriend and has never talked to me again. Strike One, Stupid girl.

Guy #2.
The second guy was cute, a little older and from South Dakota, Lets call him FraidyCat. Seemed sweet, funny and a little lonely. I wanted to come into his life and "fix" him. At first I saw him as only a friend, but slowly he started growing on me. Since he wasn't too far away, I kind of figured he might me my next boyfriend. I learned the hard way to NEVER assume. One Day we talked for hours about everything, just everything. That night he told me he wanted a "break from me." Whatever that meant.

We didnt talk for about a week and when he came back he was having some family problems. I tried to help him, I kept telling him that I would be there for him and I wanted to help. He just pushed me away and called me annoying. Lovely. Try to help someone and they treat you like you don't matter. Strike Two, Stupider girl.

Guy #3:
This was verrry shortlived.He was sweet, cute and actually from Nebraska, and lets call him...LiesThroughTeeth. I met him the night I turned 17. He thought that was pretty cool and we talked for hours. I had been fascinating a little too much, I think I wanted someone so bad I didn't care. I just wanted someone to take away all the pain. Biggest thing I remember was the question I asked him: "You're not one of those guys that vanishes after a week are you?" His response: "I don't disappear" Hahaha I dont think he ever talked to me again after that night.
Strike 3: Forever alone

*there is a Guy #4 that has been in my life for the past 5 months. Never gotten upset with me, never  disappeared without an explanation. Sweeter than honey, funnier than a stand-up comedian, and honest as the day is long. (Kleenex Boy) So never give up, there's someone out there, you just have to have the patience to look for them.

Forever Alone

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Are YOU Forever Alone? Find Out Now!

Hey blog stalkers. Long time no see.
Well I am thinking about started a new Youtube vlog and/or blog on here. I just recently got this idea and perhaps you might have some ideas.

Have you ever seen those different trolls online and likened yourself to one of them? Especially the forever alone one? Well I have news for you. If you want to know if you are forever alone, you just might be able to "tune in" to a series of blogs/vlogs in which I will advice and tutor you in the art of being Forever Alone. For starters, if you think you are indeed forever alone these ten simple questions may help clear things up.

If you answer yes to any of the following questions you may be suffering from a common condition of Forever Aloneness. Don't worry it's not typically contagious.

1. Did you last have a date when Clinton was president?
2. Are you over the age of 25 and still live in your parent's basement?
3. Do you wake up in the morning to the sound of your cat beating its head against the wall?
4. Guys: Do you tell your sammich to "Go make you a woman?"
5. Girls: Do you go to weekly couples therapy with your cat because "He just won't listen?"
6. Did you make your own birthday cake and sing to yourself on your half-birthday?
7. Girls: Do you buy yourself flowers and then pretend to be shocked when they arrive?
8. Did you ask your cousin to the high school prom and they turned you down for a paid male escort?
9. Do you save old voicemails from your mother and play them when you get lonely?
10. Can you count the number of times you've been flirted with on one hand?
11. Did you create a separate facebook account just so you could write "I love you" on your wall?

If you have any of these symptoms please find a boyfriend/girlfriend as soon as possible before your condition beigns to worsen. And if that that is no longer possible then be sure to check back here for later updates and links to my Youtube account. There is a way to beat this and I will be your unpaid therapist.

-Dr. Angalone F.A.