Thursday, October 31, 2013

First Official Breakup Report: Day One

This year sucks. I am nineteen years old and today I'm experiencing my very first official break up. Now as far as the relationship goes, it was a three week affair. It was a mutual break up, but that doesn't make it any less painful.
I've had a lot of time to imagine what my first relationship would be like, and how my first break up would go. Even the last week of our relationship, I kind of felt like this was coming eventually. So in a way, I've prepped myself for this day for years. There's just a few things missing...
I mean I anticipated the sweatpants, messy bun and the crying. But I also imagined a bucket of ice cream and a bunch of girls sitting around telling me I'm better off. Unfortunately, said friends, don't exist and I ran out of ice cream a week ago and I'm too lazy and miserable to go out and buy myself some more. Instead I'm sitting around the house in my breakup attire blogging to a non existent following about my miserable life.
I mean I do have friends, it just so happens that none of them have the time anymore to see if I'm really okay. It's almost tempting to go home to my parents and get a hug from them, however the drive wouldnt be worth the few hours I'd get to be with them. Idk, will this Cinderella ever have a happily ever after?

Monday, September 2, 2013

Return to Rather Dashing

That moment when you wake up and realize the fairytale you were chasing was only the wind, and true love is what you left behind. All along it was the boy in the black leather jacket that had your heart and truly he always will. He's the other half of you, the voice of reason you forgot you had, your best friend.You share the same taste in music and movies and you've had a long happy history together. He never ceases to inspire you to do great things in your life and can make you laugh with only a word. Though he has seen you at your absolute worst, he isn't afraid and never gives up on you. When you feel ugly, he sees only beauty. When you feel pathetic, he shows you that you're special. He knows and understands you inside and out, in a way no one ever has or ever will. From your darkest secrets to your most intimate thoughts you cannot keep anything from him. He's always there for you. Though he deals with hardship on a daily basis, he still takes time out to be strong for you. He may feel miserable in his own life, but he still tries hard to uplift you when you're down. A boy like this is not easy to find, they don't grow on trees, indeed they are very rare. If in your travels you should ever run across such a man, stop and ask him for directions and then never leave his side.This is true love, do you think this happens every day? Don't be a fool as I have been and fall for the prince with slicked back hair and fancy clothes. Their promises are full of air and their lies are all that flourish. Instead look for a knight with tarnished armor, one with a few scratches and dents in his shield, sword a little bent, mail a tad rusty. He's weathered the world, had a few scrapes with death and would battle a wing-a-ling dragon for you. He has that unfailing chivalry, the code by which he lives his life. He finds anger pointless, forgiveness essential, and fraudulence reprehensible. His hugs are intoxicating and his kisses could melt the poles. He'll never see what you see in him, and the same goes for you. Your heart is in his hands, but you get scared and rip it away, breaking off a massive chunk. It wasn't him that did the breaking it was you, but you still run. Yet no matter how far apart you fall, he's always the one you fall back on. He's your knee-jerk reaction, your default setting, the one you run to for comfort when the world gets too tough. He's absolutely inescapable, always in the back of your mind and it's utterly inconceivable how much he still cares for you. You don't want to wake up one day to an ancient booer at your door, reminding you that you had love in your hands and you gave it up. Return to Rather Dashing and mend up that broken heart before it begins to fester, or else you'll wind up lonely, ill and quite drunk in a gutter outside a tavern. This would not be well my friend, you best follow my advice. Or else like me you'll watch him walk away and you'll be left standing there reliving the memory of his final words, "You'll always have a part of me with you."

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Lost in a simple game Cat and Mouse are we the same people as before this came to pass?

So we've all heard the story of the cat and mouse right. Cat chases mouse. Mouse gets away. Cat chases mouse. Mouse gets away. Repeat for eternity. But what if the mouse had gotten caught...just not in the way you imagine. Mouse doesn't become a midnight snack...but maybe a best friend...or even lover? This is the story of me and..I guess on here I refer to him as Blogger Boy. He saw, he chased, he lost, over and over again. Until...finally he caught me...and BOY did he catch me!! And this is our story---

There once was a timid field mouse daintily walking through the yard, when a tabby cat came out of nowhere. The tabby stalked its prey for a while then got down on its haunches and eyed the tasty morsel of a mouse with its tail twitching. In a blink of his brown eyes, the tabby leaped through the air and pounced on the mouse...only the mouse wasn't between his paws. The mouse had escaped and was safely behind a tree. So the tabby bounded after it, and thats how the chase began. Time after time the tabby thought he'd trapped the young mouse, but she always seemed to evade him. The mouse would hide in narrow crevices that the tabby's wide paw could not reach, but he never gave up. For he did not want to eat the poor mouse, he only wished to be friends with her. But she was afraid of him. After a while she began to enjoy the game, taunting the cat that he would never catch her.

But one afternoon the cat was coming across the road, stalking toward the mouse like a lion. When he noticed the mouse wasn't scampering off. She was sitting on a rock crying softly. Instead of playing chase, the big hearted cat came right up to the mouse and licked her on the top of the head. This startled the mouse, who looked up at him with big blue eyes, damp with tears. The cat just laid down beside her and wrapped his paws around her while she told him the story of her broken heart. The following weeks were the same, the loyal cat and the heartbroken mouse became best friends. They didn't see the need to run and chase, for they were contented just to lay side by side and pour out the secrets of their hearts.

But the story of the Cat and Mouse is far from over, they still chase and hide, wrestle and fight. But they always end up in each other's paws, silently sleeping side by side. These two friends will be chasing each other for the rest of their lives.


I believe a chorus of "Awwwws" is appropriate at this time. True story, bro. The cat finally caught the mouse and stole her heart. And they all lived happily ever after.

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Camouflaged Depression

I'm sure we've all those days when we feel like everything that could go wrong, does. Well for me 2013 has been one of those years when everything that could go wrong does. Now I wont go into too many details I don't to sink further into depression and take out a few of you along the way. They say once you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on and when you're at the bottom of your barrel there's no way but up from there. But these cliches are just that, cliches. What if you didn't go out for girl scouts and don't know how to tie a knot? What if there is quicksand at the bottom of the barrel?

We all know that complaining doesn't fix any of our problems, nor will it make us feel any better. So why do we all do it? I am notorious for complaining about life. Life and I aren't good friends anymore. I used to have someone very special in my life that picked me up when I fell into pieces. They seemed to care about me more than anyone ever had. The only advice they have for me these days is "Build." Like that one cryptic word is supposed to some how solve all my problems. Oh and "Try harder." Wow, you should be an motivational speaker.

I still blame myself for losing the relationship I once had with this person, but I know it will never be fixed. He's since moved on with his life and I have a suspicion he's back with his ex. Part of me still wants to scream, "But what about me? Don't you miss me? Don't you still want to be with ME? Come on, I'm wearing my faded jeans and my hair smells absolutely angelic!" However, once that boy makes up his mind, nuclear holocaust wouldn't change it. He claims I told him to walk away, but all I wanted to do was protect him from my absolute psychotic self. The whole thing is just chaos, a mess. I guarantee you this: If he hadn't said a certain series of four words to me, we never would have fallen apart. "You're getting too attached." Any girl on the face of the earth would be as hurt as I was. If not, they just aren't female.

But my crummy life gets crummier still, but at least I can slather a coat of dry humor over my depression. Its fairly effective for camouflage, when all the chirpy happy people come out to play. Luckily, I rarely see another human being besides my parents and occasionally Her Royal Fatness and I can be bitchy around them....sometimes. Well that's my heart wrenching story, folks. I came, I saw, I lost. And I lived grumpily ever after.

Monday, June 17, 2013

The Life of A Firefly

Have you ever felt like a firefly? Where one moment you're flying high, enjoying the cool evening breeze of late July. You're flashing and bright and totally free. The next thing you know some clammy, grubby hand has captured and deposited you in a wide-mouth mason jar.

You can see everything in the outside world through your glass cell walls, but you can never reach it. There's no way you can fly your tiny body into the walls hard enough for them to even crack. No, you're totally at the mercy of someone big nasty person. They are your only key to freedom, but no matter how hard you try, they just don't care.The lid to your prison is screwed on tight and you are slowly running out of oxygen.You have no energy. No strength. And no hope.

The only light at the end of your tunnel is a firefly glow, the echoed reflection of your once-carefree youth, and it quickly blinks out. You cower in fear at the bottom of the jar, hoping its just a dream that you'll wake up soon. But you won't. You'll never soar in the night sky again. Never fall asleep on a flower blossom again.

You're trapped to this life as some strange insect exhibit until you slowly suffocate in silence. No one cries for dead fireflies. No one will mourn you when you're gone. They will simply dump you in the grass the next morning. If no hungry predator decides to snack on your dried out carcass, you'll just decompose into someone's plush green lawn.

 This is your life. The life of a firefly.


Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Never come to my house with your girlfriend and her mom.

So I've been having these ridiculously crazy vivid dreams lately. Once I got married to Blogger Boy and Kleenex Boy was the best man. Another stupid one was about me accidentally flashing my former principal and getting to serve community service on some lake I'd never heard of for 14 days. And after all of these dreams I wake up and think they're real for a split second. The last two mornings I've woken up almost crying...then I start laughing when I think about it just being a dream. But last night was the most vivid (and actually realistic) dream I have ever had about Kleenex Boy. I was ready to take the boy's head off!

Kleenex Boy had just told me he was in the area and wanted to hang out. Naturally I was thrilled to see him again. It had been awhile since I'd heard anything back and was getting concerned. I was in the backyard with some friends of mine...literally on one's shoulders as she played with a helium balloon. I texted KB from her phone and asked where he was. Next thing I know a car pulls into my driveway, and he gets out and walks up to my parents, introducing not only himself, but his new girlfriend and her MOTHER!

I was so upset I didn't even greet him. I went straight inside, ignoring the stupid smile he gave me.The entire time he was there, my family treated him like he was their own son. They laughed, talked and ate supper, while I just hung out with my oldest brother in the living room. His new girl and him had met in some theater group and she'd gone to same school I had 6 years before. One time passing through the living room, her mom stopped to tell me "What a nice boy he was and how he was so good for her daughter." I wanted to stab her. I was getting soooooooo pissed off. Later after everyone had taken off I sneaked into the kitchen to get some water and there was Kleenex Boy washing the dishes!! He smiled at me again and looked like he wanted to talk. I just rolled my eyes and stormed off. Later my family and I were watching this movie that  beloved son, Kleenex Boy, had brought. And it had film of me and Blogger Boy on it!! (I have no idea how that happened.) And I'm sitting there praying that no one recognizes me. I was ready to rip his throat out, when I woke up almost crying about my betrayal by KB and BB. When I realized it was a dream I started laughing so hard.

I just had to tell Kleenex Boy about this, So I had this new phone I was trying to text him with, but he wound up calling me instead. I kept trying to tell him about this dream I had, but he kept talking about this theater group. Yup, thats when I woke up AGAIN from the Second dream in One night about him. *Sigh* Why can't I just have more dreams about marrying Blogger Boy? bahahaha. Dear Brain, please stop having retarded dreams that you temporarily think are real. Sincerely, Me

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Fall like Feathers not Cement Trucks

I want to dance, to laugh, to kick up my heels. But no. I'm here on my hands and knees on the floor, cramped against the wall, because this is the only place my decrepit laptop will charge. I have had pinkeye in my left eyeball for close to two and a half weeks. Everybody says,"Go to the doctor." and I say, "Neverrrrrrrrrr!" There are reasons for saying this. I have never in my life had to go to a doctor. One delivered me when I was born. One did a physical exam before 7th grade. Every other one has given me shots. All these things were absolutely required, but I've never ever gone voluntarily. It just scares me. Idk what they'll do to me, but I've heard horror stories of poking with cold metal objects, prodding questions, and gulp...medications. Every antibiotic I've ever used was natural, and they've always worked.And the other thing is that doctors are expensive. Yikes, they make a lot. My parents cannot afford that, and with currently no health insurance they really can't.

With this pinkeye I can hardly go inquire about jobs (and online applications aren't really working) that will allow me to finally move out. Sooo I'm stuck here, and I'm not much of a happy camper about that. Sooo stuck like a monkey in a lake of glue. I barely get to see my best friend, my mother sees her more often. Blogger Boy was absent for awhile, and that kinda make me sad as well. He's back now, I think, though we haven't talked yet.

I remember when we met, I was still "with" Kleenex Boy. BB would hit on me so much and for some reason I let him. Typically when a guy did that I ignored him after awhile. I guess through it all, BB was a good friend, he always gave me advice, though I rarely listened to it. I threw myself at KB time and time again, but BB was always there to numb the pain when I was hurting.The last time when I shattered, he helped put me back together. He never let me down. Never. Another thing I've noticed is that whenever KB would be gone for a few days I'd get paranoid that he was going to disappear and never come back, but these past few days when BB was gone I never had a doubt that he'd return. It already shows I have more trust in him than I did with Kleenex Boy and thats a comforting thought. It makes me feel better about the decision I made to walk away. I just love how he isn't afraid to make me a part of his life. He would talk to me on Facebook where all his friends could see, not some back private alley like a message. His sister and his friend know about me and those were things KB never did. It was almost like he was ashamed of me somehow.

I don't know. The fear of getting hurt is battling the desire to open up my heart and spill its contents to someone again. I think the desire is winning. But still, I don't want to come on too strong, I want to fall a little at a time, like a feather, not like a truck full of cement blocks. But I'm still holding back, just in case. Well, my cat and my bed beckon, my cat is a little more persistent. Oh but now she's pouting, I'm REALLY in trouble now. Peace Blog Stalkers.

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Just Pessimistic Rantings and Fluffed-up Blankets

Ever had one of those days where you see somebody and you instantly don't like them. The more you're around them the more you just want to punch them in the head. Finally, they annoy you so much, you just pull back your fist and let them have it, never minding the shards of glass that now protrude from your bleeding knuckles. That's right. It was just a mirror. Not only are you the biggest loon on the face of the earth for punching a piece of glass, but you also realize You really don't like yourself. Welcome to my world.

I hate life and I hate being stuck in this town. Her Royal Fatness wants me to move in. And believe me, I'd love living with my best friend. It's just I need to have a job in order to pay her mom rent. I can't just live in her family. Not only would I hate myself for taking advantage of her mom, but my own parents would probably hate me just as much or even more. Plus finding a job in that little town would be so hard.

Nothing has gone right in my life in the past two weeks. If I hadn't screwed up things with Kleenex Boy I'd be in the city with him right now. Well...not with him, per se. He'd still probably end up with her and I'd be alone. Alone in the city vs. Alone in the middle of nowhere But I have family and friends around? Alright, alright. It's better this way. Plus losing him wouldn't have gotten me as close to Blogger Boy as I am. And that was a good thing indeed. Its just hard to change and move on. Having pinkeye for two weeks doesn't make you the most optimistic person in the world either. The way the world looks now I'll die alone in my parents basement with a hundred cats and I'll probably still have this damned pinkeye.

Its just a lashing out kind of night. I should be more of a fighter, more of a stronger person, but its nights like this when I hate being alone. This bed wasn't made for just one person, I guess I'll just fluff up the blankets and pretend there's someone here with me to make it all better. Or I could just face the fact that I'm alone and deal with it like a grownup. Fluffed up blankets it is. Oh and Blogger Boy, if you're reading this. I really miss you, signore, I hope you're back soon.

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Hello....wait...who are you again?

So this past year I had a distance learning English Comp class. There were two other schools in it other than my own. This gave me the opportunity to meet people from schools I normally would never have met. However, at a quiz bowl meet one time I actually met one of these students in person. After adding me on facebook that night, ..Comp Guy and I became pretty good friends. We spent our school days sending emails about people we didn't like, school and food. (I typically wrote about the food, just to be evil and make him hungry.) Anyways, a few weeks ago I gave him my number and I had totally forgotten about it.

Last night I woke up a little after midnight to my phone going off. I was so groggy I couldn't even find it, and when it quit ringing I fell back asleep. A few minute later it went off again to tell me I had a missed call and voicemail. So I saw the first 3 digits and automatically assumed it was Kleenex Boy. I listened to my voicemail and he just sounded...off. He was way more enthusiastic than normal and his voice was higher. Without thinking, I just called the number back.

As I said before I was really groggy. I told him he was too enthusiastic for 12:30 at night. I also told him he sounds different. Comp Guy had obviously no idea what I was talking about, so he let me go back to sleep. After he hung up I looked at my phone and was instantly mortified. However I did end up calling Kleenex Boy to tell him what transpired, although he didn't answer his phone, go figure. I laughed for at least ten minutes before I even went to sleep.

So yeah. Word to the wise...Don't call me after midnight. I will not know who you are.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Ode to the Days of Trogdor and Worms

Kleenex Boy. If you're reading this. Well, it's the first time you've ever read my blog. And you probably don't have any idea why I call you "Kleenex Boy." Well, its because I used you to dry my tears too many times over the past year and a half, I used you for a Kleenex when really I shouldn't have relied on you at all. If I hadn't opened up to you as much as I had, all those times I called you and cried to your voicemail. Maybe we'd still be...whatever we were. Hells maybe even more by now. I really blame myself for everything that happened. You never would have thought me too weak and attached. We wouldn't be in the mess we are today.

But man we had some good times didn't we? Staying up way past our bedtimes playing Worms. You sure kicked my butt a lot of times. Remember last year on your birthday when I sent you Peasant's Quest? You were Rather Dashing from then on. This year on your birthday I didn't even talk to you, because of our stupid fight. I'm sorry for that, by the way.

I know I act kind of crazy sometimes, but I just want you to feel something. I want to get a reaction out of you. To know you're still alive and breathing. I want you to feel. But its hopeless I swear. Since we fell apart I've reached out to you time and time again, trying to maintain our friendship. You promised me we'd always be friends no matter what happened. Best friends even. But what's this? It's so rare to actually hear from you, I'm afraid you've become an endangered species. You cannot be as busy as you claim to be.

 You know about the other man in my life. On here I call him Blogger Boy. He's a pretty amazing guy, and I'm very lucky to have him in my life. He's busy a lot of the time, but he still makes time for me. I don't vent on him as much as I did on you. It was convenient to call you whenever I was upset, so these days I blog a lot to get things out. He comes on here and reads it at night sometimes. It's comforting to know someone's out there that cares, that's all I really needed, you know. Anyways, I think you'd really like him and under different circumstances you two would probably be really good friends.You have so much in common, but he has a passion I both envy and admire. He's never afraid to tell me exactly what he thinks, I appreciate that. The one and only time we had a disagreement, he came back and we talked things out. To him our friendship was worth saving. I wanted this from you so so much.

I sometimes wish I had access to your brains, your wit, your humor. You have no idea how much respect I have for you, even now. There are times I wish could take a time machine to the past and take back the things I said that night, but you know what? I think it was inevitable. We were going to fall apart sooner or later, maybe we simply weren't meant to be. You could have been perfect for me, but I don't think you'd ever have changed and you'll always be in love with her. There's not enough room in  your life for both of us. So I'm finding my wings. Someday I'll find the right pair of arms to fall into, arms that won't let me fall. That might not be for a long time. But it will be worth the wait. Love always is.

It comes down to this: "You know you can't give me what I need and even though you mean so much to me, I can't wait through everything....We knew it'd happen eventually."

If you ever truly wish to be friends, you know where to find me. But I can no longer keep trying to keep our relationship alive. All I'm doing is hurting myself and probably annoying you. I hope you don't hate me for the trouble I've caused. I'm sure you're life would be a lot easier if you'd never met me. But I guess these things make us stronger in the end. Goodbye Kleenex Boy. Maybe we'll meet again someday. In fact, I sincerely hope we do.

-Lady Voluptuous. (aka) Angie Rich

p.s. It was a recorder not a flute.

Monday, May 20, 2013

Rather Dashing Vansished, Chivalry is dead.

A few weeks ago a very important man in my life gave me a piece of advice I had completely forgotten about until today. Sorry, Blogger Boy. But anyways he was right in saying what he did. And although I didnt quite understand him then, it make a hell of a lot of sense now. This is what he told me.

"The past is just a boat anchor. You can leave the past dragging you down, you can pull it up and carry it with you, or you can cut the fucking anchor free and let the winds carry you."

Kleenex boy is letting the past drag him down, he's not going anywhere he's just stuck right there not moving. After losing him I thought I could drag my past up and carry it with me. But it still weighted me down. He was with me every where I went because I couldn't bear to lose him. I was afraid of how much it would hurt. But relationships aren't only one sided. I wanted him to be in my life so much, but he never gave me the time of day. Its so hard to have a relationship with a person that never communicates with you. So it's time to be a grown up and cut the ropes and ties to the past. I wanted something solid in my life, something to cling to in the storm, but  he's simply not it. He'll never change because his anchor has grown roots and embedded itself in the sea floor and I think he feels it will rip him apart to change. He's a stubborn, stubborn man and I'll never change him. No one probably ever will.

My heart goes out to him, because I know he'll never be truly happy. I gave him something of an ultimatum today, he has 24 hours to give me a reason to keep trying to be friends with him. If I haven't heard from him tomorrow at 7:00pm, he'll never hear from me again. Its not like I want to do this, but I'm afraid I have to. I have a right to live my own life and if he's just going to hold me back from being happy, then I have to do what I have to do. Even if I end up a batty old spinster someday, it would be better then still nursing unrequited feelings for him.

 But from now on, I cannot be weak and let him back in when my heart aches. I can no longer go to him for comfort, advice or a laugh, unless this time he truly proves he can be a man and put this nonsense behind him. But I know him better, he won't. Its just a last ounce of hope. Just like the hope that he'd make it to my graduation. I knew it was completely unfounded and never going to happen, but every few minutes while onstage, I scanned the crowd for his face. I waited in line while so many people hugged me and congratulated me. He wasn't there. It was disappointing, sure, but it really sucked when HRF had to harass him before he even called me that night. He claimed that he knew it was my graduation, but who knows what to believe. But I promise myself this: I've cried my last tear for him. I have.

Things That Make Me Bawl Like a Colicky Two Month Old

So this here post is entirely dedicated to the one and only Her Royal Fatness. She's the most amazing girl in my life and I wouldn't be here without her...Literally, she's saved me from crashing my car on more than one occasion. Anyways, she made me an art project with writing on it and gave it to me for a graduation gift. I went over to her house last night to pick it up and she was hoping I'd cry reading it. Well, anyone who knows much about me knows I can't show emotion well. I've cried in front of like a half a dozen people my entire life, Kleenex Boy being one. But anyway, I thought I'd share with you all what she wrote, because rereading over it today made me bawl like a baby.

"Angie Rich, what can I say? You're graduating and I hate you for it. I miss you tons although I hate to admit that. I will because I love you to pieces. You are my best friend. Although you are smart, brilliant, spectacular, a complete genius and I am completely dumb. I'm an airhead. Our personalities clash, but that's okay we find a way to make it all work. I know I don't show you how much you mean to me, but I really do care about you. I just know you don't understand my ways and I don't always understand yours. But you are a beautiful and amazing person. You can never forget that. No matter what, never think differently of yourself. You honestly have to be one of the most beautiful people I know, inside and out. You have a big heart, a little too kind to those who do not deserve it, but I know you cant help that. Just never let anyone take advantage of you. I won't always be around to protect you.

Which leads me to my next point. You're angry right now, I think at me. I wish I could protect you from those kinds of dangers, from me or anyone. You may not think that I will understand, but you should try me. Try me. I'll try to be more understanding from now on. I'll call you a million times when you graduate. I'll be so bored in school, Cant you just not graduate til next year? Please, oh please?

Angie, I know you will go far in life. You make something great of yourself. You'll be famous! Just shoot for the stars. Dream  big and never let some guy bring you down. I can see you marrying an absolutely handsome man. You'll have the house of your dreams, the jobs, or job? The kids, you'll have it all. Believe in yourself like I believe in you Anyone should be jealous of you. You've got the beauty, the brains and a kind heart and soul. Dont forget about me when you graduate Because I'll never forget you. I love you. -Her Royal Fatness"

^Is this not the sweetest thing you've ever read.

Saturday, May 18, 2013

Just Heartfelt Thoughts

Has anyone else had one of those moments in their life when suddenly something was perfectly clear? Where you thought one thing one minute and the next a whole new world opened to you. I always had the image of what a real man was; tough, strong, stoic, and never showing emotion. And don't get me wrong those things are good in moderation in certain situations. But truly a real man is not afraid to show his feelings sometimes.

You see Blogger Boy is in pain and though I'm not sure why yet, I didn't get a chance to talk to him, it put things into perspective. Earlier today I was crying over Kleenex Boy, (mostly because the tears made my pinkeyed eye feel better.) and then when I saw his status on Facebook about being hurt, I immediately wanted to reach out in comfort and encouragement. It pulled on my heartstrings like you wouldn't mean, I mean thats probably just a knee-jerk reaction for me. But suddenly there was this crystal clear moment where its like a light bulb went on in my head and I was like, "Wow, I really love this man." Its more than just a friendship, I mean I don't want to jump the gun. I fell too hard and too fast for Kleenex Boy, and I dont want to get hurt again. Blogger Boy is really something special though.

Kleenex Boy once told me that he didn't like being taken care of, because he wasn't used to it. I have a feeling Blogger Boy would. Even if it was just holding him when he sad, or caring for him when he's sick. I'd want to be there, I want to heal his wounds and laugh with him. I think maybe I'm finally ready to let the past be the past and move on. I dont need to run to Kleenex Boy every time I need a tissue to cry into, I mean I dont even need to cry to Blogger Boy. I'm stronger now. But even so, I'll be there when he needs me, as he's been there when I needed him.

So Blogger Boy if you're reading this, I really love you. When I look up at the stars tonight, I'll send a little prayer heavenward that the next year and a half goes by quickly so we can stargaze together. I hope I can ease your pain somewhat, I don't like seeing you hurt.Take care of yourself, big guy. I'll always be here for you. Always.

Friday, May 17, 2013

Yawn, Yawn, Yawn and Pinkeye

Ahhh 11:11 Time for a wish. I wish I had never started this post because now I have to finish it and finishing it means staying up longer when all I want to do is sleep. Uhhh. Well now its 11:12 and my wish is not granted. Roar. I have a real issue with commitment here. I need a nap. Moo. Hate is a strong word, but I hate conjunctivitis. I do believe I have bacterial pinkeye in my left eyeball. Its been screwy for a week now and I'm starting to treat it with Tea Tree Oil, although my dear Her Royal Fatness insists I go to the doctor. Silly girl thinks I'll go blind or die or something. The other night I was trying to get Kleenex Boy to say something really mean about me to make me cry so it would feel better, but he didnt seem to go along with my idea. Something about not wanting to hurt my feelings or something. I told him I'd scalp him. That was ineffective. I need to come up with better threats. 

So I met my brother's girlfriend today. She was really nice and pretty too for being 12 years older than him. Oh yeah and she has an 8 year old son named Dylan, he's a real cutie. Who knows, he may end up being my...nephew-in-law-in-law? Gah Families are so confusing. Personally I think the world should just go take a nap, everyone could use one. I'm yawning so much my eyes are watering hardcore and that makes my yucky eye feel better so. And when you say the world "yawn" everyone then has to yawn. And Yawning helps cool down your brain or so some over-educated numbskull claims. I just think yawning is cool. Yawn. Yawn. Yawn. Comment on this if I made you yawn at least once. Yawn, dammit. Moo.

Okay I am officially sleep deprived and need to get sleep immediately. 

Yawn.

Admit it. I got ya!

Yawn

On Hybrid European Accents & Thank You Notes

Let me just say this straight up. I am a very thankful person. I have amazing people in my life and I appreciate them more than they know.  I have Her Royal Fatness as my very best friend. Blogger Boy as my.....idk, but something. I have Sassy as the best darn cat in the world. And Kleenex Boy? I also have him as an acquaintance/stranger every other week or three. So when I sit here trying to write up thank-you cards for my graduation gifts why is it so hard? Its like I am thankful...but there's only so many ways to write: "Thanks for the money.." It just sounds soo.....rude. Its like I want to elaborate....but how? I mean I could lengthen it to, "I truly appreciate your generous gift" But still it doesn't sound like enough. Anyone else get freaked out by the white space in a card? I do. I have a compulsion with having to fill it all with writing. I guess I'm going to have to start writing: Thanks for the gift in that size font just to satisfy my retarded obsession. I'm weird, this I know.

Anyways. Blogger Boy. Several weeks ago this crazy boy sent me a very odd voice recording...I mean it was absolutely off the wall. In his own words, "I'm flippin out man, I'm flippin out maaaan." Literally the first 24 hours after hearing that recording I was seriously considering his sanity. Luckily, its just a sleep deprivation thing. As he predicted, I listened to the recording "again and again and again and agaiiiiiiiin because I love him" until know I almost know it by heart. Today I made a video of what I think he would have looked like while making this recording, including facial expression, gestures, and lip syncing. I was a little off in someplace, but its just hysterical. To keep his anonymity, I won't be sharing this on my blog, but his "hybrid European accent" is really something to be heard. Especially when he talks like he's Irish. "I don't have a drinking problem. I drink, I get drunk, I fall down. No problem." If yall think I'm weird, you should see this chap, he puts me to shame and I pale in comparison.

The two things you can take from this blog are: 1) I am a thankful person though I obsesses about how to demonstrate it. and 2) Blogger Boy's "Batsh*t mental handicappedness" far surpasses my own, but thats alright. I love him.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it does

Oh. My. Gosh. Do you not just LOVE this new look? I personally think its my best blog look ever. Ah but back to BB. So as I mentioned last night, a lot can happen in a year and a half to mess up my plans of being with him when he gets here. So here's the complete list.

Things That Could Happen In The Next Year and a Half That Would Not Allow Me To Be With Blogger Boy

 1. Global world domination by an invading species of aliens from Pluto.
 2. I could see someone get shot, go into Witness Protection and be forced to fake my own death.
 3. I could be horribly disfigured in a car accident and need a face transplant.
 4. I might try saving a choking cat and wind up with the Bubonic Plague
 5. A summer tornado might come through and kill me in my sleep.
 6. Her Royal Fatness would shank me in the yard to win the respect of the cholos.
 7. I could meet some really cute guy I like, who kidnaps me and forces me to wash his beard every day.
 8. Struck by lightning...it's possible.
 9. Plain and simple, I could get fat.
10. He could just wake up one day and realize what an idiot I am and never speak to me again?

Perhaps my imagination is a touch too vivid. I'm the girl who hates watching someone put a cake in an oven, cause I can just see them accidentally touching the wire rack and burning their hands to a crisp. Paranoid? Maybe. Caring. Definitely. I dont know if BB is perfect for me, but I'd really like the chance to find out for sure, personally. I'm a patient person, though. Hells I waited a year and a half for Kleenex Boy to want me, I can do the same for someone I know does. So it looks like I'll be waiting in this tower a bit longer. In the wise, wise words of Inigo Montoya... "You do not  think that you could a speed it up a bit....I hate waiting...." 

So Blogger Boy, if you're reading this. I will be patient. I'll wait, because you know what? I think you just might be worth it, boy.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Just thoughts, worries, and other boring stuff...

As promised, here's an updated post. Not much new has happened since 5:00 today, but I felt you got a bit short changed with my last post. So my cat, lets just call her Sassy for the sake of anonymity, she had kittens last week, four little tiny squeakers. Unfortunate for her, she now has two more mouths to feed. See, HRF has a cat, well its not hers per se, its more of a stray that she somewhat took in, because her mom, whom we refer to as Crusty (no we seriously do), won't let her have an actual cat. Anywhos this stray pooped out kittens and abandoned the lil suckers. So HRF calls me last night asking me to kitten sit today, which means bottle feeding every two hours. However I just threw the lil buggers in with Sassy, who's taking care of them real nice. Now this may sound heartless, but I love the little guys I really do. You just have a more blunt way of looking at the world when 90% of the muscles in your body are aching and you have bruises up and down your left leg.

Anyways. Blogger Boy. He seems to be a hit topic lately. How do I feel about him? Well I can tell you this right up, I love him. He's sweet, funny, extremely attractive, and not just in a physical sense. There's stuff you blog stalkers don't want to know about..juuust sayin. Its just...he's busy. As in, I wont see him for a year and a half. He's....serving his time...okay that makes it sound like he's in prison. Nooooo He's not a criminal I promise you. He's not a thief or a cold blooded killer, but if he were here he'd probably knock me dead and steal a few kisses. Har, har, har. I'm so -not- clever.

Side Note:* Oh my God. I hate how sometimes you hit the backspace and it takes you back a page. Luckily it saved my writing and uh I think I'm allergic to something my left eye is oozing and swollen and the backs of my hands are breaking out*

But back to BB, Idk what to think about him. He's an amazing guy, and he realizes I still have emotions about Kleenex Boy. I mean I threw myself a year and a half of time at him, and ended up just where I started. I have to ask myself if BB is the same way, and I keep coming up with, "No BB wouldn't do that, BB has a different mentality than KB." The thing is, it is a long time to wait. So much can change in a year and half time...Thats an idea for a blog post. aha. I shall do it.

I made BB a promise, that if I were single in a year and a half when he..ahem....gets done doing what he's doing....I'd be with him, no questions asked. But there are so many things to consider. I'll be out on my own here shortly, once my lazy bum finds a job, and what if someone comes along? I mean its unlikely but, who knows, stranger things have happened. I mean, Blogger Boy himself did happen across me a year ago.But enough for now I've bored you peoples long enough.

*Angie Rich signing off.*

Short, sweet and to the poi...what was I saying?

You know its true love when you miss someone after not seeing them four days....Yes...Her Royal Fatness is my one true love- be still my beating heart- but Blogger Boy is catching up fast. The last few days have been uneventful, full of cursing and sweating and working cows. Blah. Life is duller than a butter knife these days.What I've learned the last few days: Kleenex Boy is unreliable as ever. HRF is going through some of her own battles. And Blogger Boy? Well he's busy, but as sweet as can be. Maybe that makes him a bee? Busy as a Bee. Sweet as Honey. Bahahaha Blogger Boy Bee. BBB. Bahahaha I crack myself up. This is the most awesome post yet.

You know what really annoys me? My freaking O key on my keyboard keeps falling off. However, I've become excellent at putting it back on. Everything you do in life is preparation for something else. Perhaps because of this experience I'll be a computer-putter-together-type person someday. Who knows? I know for absolute sure I will not be a cattle chaser, cowboy. Oh Hell to the no. Tooooooooo lazy for that. I'm also too lazy to continue this post. The world of Angie Rich is a boring, boring place I'll let you know when something interesting happens like Blogger Boy shows up tomorrow morning with breakfast in bed for me. That's be alright.
Angie-Girl out.

Monday, May 13, 2013

What's in a name?

So its a well known joke in my small, tiny, itsy bitsy group of friends that for a long time Kleenex boy and I were the parents of "Her Royal Fatness." However, since the end of our... semi-relationship...Her Royal Fatness has been somewhat orphaned. To remedy this I asked Blogger boy (metaphorically down on one knee) to be her father. He readily agreed (as long as he got to occasionally harass her on Facebook) and now we're up and running....I guess.

There's just a few things I need to iron out. For one, it was simpler before because Her Royal Fatness and Kleenex Boy actually did have quite a big in common, looks being one of them. Blogger Boy and her don't really resemble each other...I shall have to ponder this to see what I can come up with. Well they both are crazy....and crazy for me. No lie, the two of them would probably donate their internal organs for me.

I asked a survey of these three important figures in my life, what they'd do if I was with them somewhere and I got knifed by some jerk who ran away. (Idk my scenarios are pretty messed up) Kleenex Boy said he'd perform first aid and get me to a hospital, but if it happened in real life, the guy would never have gotten a chance to get me. Blogger Boy said he'd pull out his concealed 9mm and shoot the guy, and Her Royal Fatness? She'd watch me bleed out on the street. I have lovely friends don't I? I figure if I'm going to get stabbed any time soon, I hope all three of them are there.

But seriously my life is retarded. Some days it still feels like half my heart is in Kleenex boy's lap. And then when Blogger boy talks to me, its like...Adios tissue, me no need you no more. "Blogger Boy" isn't a really good name for him. You know they have those names based on cities, like "Lost in Los Angeles" "Sleepless in Seattle" I could do that for him, though he may wish to remain more anonymous. HRF (Her Royal Fatness) could be considered "Naughty in Neligh" hahahaha but I'll still to HRF its easier. Hmmm Blogger Boy.....

Well lets think, He's absolutley gorrrrgeous, dreamy, strong, incredibly smart, and Italian. Sometimes I refer to him as "signore" or "mio angelo" cause I'm a sap and I like foreign words, it makes me sound smarter than I actually am. I made a voice recording for HRF in which I referred to her as the little Indian girl (She has Native American ancestory) I was the little ratchet peasant girl. Kleenex Boy was the "Knight in shining armor" and Blogger Boy was Prince Charming. Oh yes and HRF's boyfriend was the big chieftain. Yippie Kie Yi!  Oh I tell you, she's going to scalp me someday, that girl. I guess for now Blogger Boy will just be BB. But for now the Village Girl is out.

Oh Those Awkward Moments

That awkward moment when you realize how utterly alone you are for the first time. There's no one coming to save you from your own foolish life. You can't return to the people in your past, because you've burned too many bridges. You're too afraid to face those in your future, afraid of getting hurt again. Stuck between two people, one you won't even see for two years and the other you'll probably never see again.

That awkward moment when you've graduated high school, but you have no job, no life, no friends and you still live with your parents. You tweet retarded crap and you blog just to keep your mind sane. You get lectured everyday about life and how you're going nowhere. You're sitting in a room begging with your weary brain to find some task for you to do, if only to keep yourself from crying. You find yourself messaging a previous love, just to pass the time and try to fix damage that cannot be repaired.

That awkward moment when you're at the end of your rope. You have zero confidence in yourself and you envy every living thing but yourself.You fear you've lost the better half of your sanity, feel sorry for yourself then subsequently hate yourself for it.You wish you hadn't given up your dream, then remember, just like everything else about you, you're dream was tainted too. Is there future, is there hope? None. You tell yourself.

That awkward moment when everyone who ever spoke of your so-called "bright future" was a liar. They said these things merely to win favor and raise spirits.You're future really is dimmer than a smoky bar on a Saturday night, for the world doesn't need more creatives like you. Technical, left-brain thinkers are all that's needed in today's world. There's no room for writers, dreamers and artists; they starve these days. The strong feed off the weak. And you're about as strong as a fawn. This world will tear you up and spit you out.

That awkward moment when you realize you're a bitter pessimist at the ripe old age of 18. Congratulations.

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Ramblings..

Well I'm sitting here in the middle of the night writing.Why? Because I'm a loser and its been a long, long time since I've blogged; however,  a suggestion by a good friend prompted me to write again. He mentioned that since I have a lot of emotion its good to vent this way, which is what I did before I lost that one guy in my life that I used for a Kleenex the last year and a half. I spent way too much time talking (and often crying) to his voicemail this past year. As I look back on the person I used to be and the things I used to blog about I uh....haha shudder? I've always had a bit more emotion than the average person, but was excellent at keeping it hid.
Tomorrow is my last day of high school. I'm thrilled because Saturday means freedom, what I've dreamed about for the lat 6 years or so. But its the end of an era. I grew up too fast. It's like that song, "Our little ponytailed girl growed up to be a woman now she's gone in the blink of an eye." I was just a little girl winning a kiddie tractor pull just last week and yesterday I was walking into Elgin High school for the first time. How can I be graduating and leaving it all behind in just two days? This is just unreal and such a bittersweet moment.
As for men in my life…well it’s a long story, and I won’t get much sleep tonight anyways so I might as well spit it all out. So a long time ago I have my heart away to…lets just call him the Kleenex boy…  and for the longest time it was in good hands. Oh a time or two here and there it would get a scratch or two, but one night it cracked. Naturally, I got scared and ripped it back, which resulted in a totally shattered heart. One piece broke off and stayed with Kleenex boy. I was kind of in shock for awhile, and I was just so numb I couldn’t feel the pain. Despite having my heart back I felt kind of lonely and empty, so one shattered shard at a time I started giving it to someone else (The one who suggested I write this post, lets just call him Blogger boy).  I got to the point where my heart was about evenly divided between myself, Kleenex boy and Blogger boy.

That was a confusing moment with my brain literally bouncing between them like a pinball on mission to attack the bumpers. Sorry I’ve become a Space Cadet Pinball Junkie the last week. Everytime I make High Score I type my name as something random like “I stepped on a nail” or “I miss Blogger boy” or whatever is going on in my life. Makes something interesting to go back and find years down the road. Ah and on Microsoft hearts I renamed all the computer players, there’s Blogger boy, Kleenex Boy, And my best friend…lets just call her…Her Royal Fatness. I loooove being able to curse at them when they kick my ass! Sometimes I actually message Her Royal Fatness and be all like “Why you kicking my ass at this, bro” and of course she has noooo idea what I’m talking about. And then there’s that awkward moment when you realize you’ve spent entirely too long talking about Windows computer games…lame.

One last piece of advice for any random stragglers that stumble across my ramblings (try saying that five times fast) = Italians are very passionate people...and they're my favorite(:
p.s. I realllly need a new look, this one is quite depressing. I'm going off to college maybe I should call it "The Next Chapter" and make Her Royal Fatness happy.


p.p.s. just so you know "Her Royal Fatness" is about the skinniest girl I know. She considers it a compliment, just so you know I'm not diabolical or anything(: