Kleenex Boy. If you're reading this. Well, it's the first time you've ever read my blog. And you probably don't have any idea why I call you "Kleenex Boy." Well, its because I used you to dry my tears too many times over the past year and a half, I used you for a Kleenex when really I shouldn't have relied on you at all. If I hadn't opened up to you as much as I had, all those times I called you and cried to your voicemail. Maybe we'd still be...whatever we were. Hells maybe even more by now. I really blame myself for everything that happened. You never would have thought me too weak and attached. We wouldn't be in the mess we are today.
But man we had some good times didn't we? Staying up way past our bedtimes playing Worms. You sure kicked my butt a lot of times. Remember last year on your birthday when I sent you Peasant's Quest? You were Rather Dashing from then on. This year on your birthday I didn't even talk to you, because of our stupid fight. I'm sorry for that, by the way.
I know I act kind of crazy sometimes, but I just want you to feel something. I want to get a reaction out of you. To know you're still alive and breathing. I want you to feel. But its hopeless I swear. Since we fell apart I've reached out to you time and time again, trying to maintain our friendship. You promised me we'd always be friends no matter what happened. Best friends even. But what's this? It's so rare to actually hear from you, I'm afraid you've become an endangered species. You cannot be as busy as you claim to be.
You know about the other man in my life. On here I call him Blogger Boy. He's a pretty amazing guy, and I'm very lucky to have him in my life. He's busy a lot of the time, but he still makes time for me. I don't vent on him as much as I did on you. It was convenient to call you whenever I was upset, so these days I blog a lot to get things out. He comes on here and reads it at night sometimes. It's comforting to know someone's out there that cares, that's all I really needed, you know. Anyways, I think you'd really like him and under different circumstances you two would probably be really good friends.You have so much in common, but he has a passion I both envy and admire. He's never afraid to tell me exactly what he thinks, I appreciate that. The one and only time we had a disagreement, he came back and we talked things out. To him our friendship was worth saving. I wanted this from you so so much.
I sometimes wish I had access to your brains, your wit, your humor. You have no idea how much respect I have for you, even now. There are times I wish could take a time machine to the past and take back the things I said that night, but you know what? I think it was inevitable. We were going to fall apart sooner or later, maybe we simply weren't meant to be. You could have been perfect for me, but I don't think you'd ever have changed and you'll always be in love with her. There's not enough room in your life for both of us. So I'm finding my wings. Someday I'll find the right pair of arms to fall into, arms that won't let me fall. That might not be for a long time. But it will be worth the wait. Love always is.
It comes down to this: "You know you can't give me what I need and even though you mean so much to me, I can't wait through everything....We knew it'd happen eventually."
If you ever truly wish to be friends, you know where to find me. But I can no longer keep trying to keep our relationship alive. All I'm doing is hurting myself and probably annoying you. I hope you don't hate me for the trouble I've caused. I'm sure you're life would be a lot easier if you'd never met me. But I guess these things make us stronger in the end. Goodbye Kleenex Boy. Maybe we'll meet again someday. In fact, I sincerely hope we do.
-Lady Voluptuous. (aka) Angie Rich
p.s. It was a recorder not a flute.