Wednesday, May 8, 2013


Well I'm sitting here in the middle of the night writing.Why? Because I'm a loser and its been a long, long time since I've blogged; however,  a suggestion by a good friend prompted me to write again. He mentioned that since I have a lot of emotion its good to vent this way, which is what I did before I lost that one guy in my life that I used for a Kleenex the last year and a half. I spent way too much time talking (and often crying) to his voicemail this past year. As I look back on the person I used to be and the things I used to blog about I uh....haha shudder? I've always had a bit more emotion than the average person, but was excellent at keeping it hid.
Tomorrow is my last day of high school. I'm thrilled because Saturday means freedom, what I've dreamed about for the lat 6 years or so. But its the end of an era. I grew up too fast. It's like that song, "Our little ponytailed girl growed up to be a woman now she's gone in the blink of an eye." I was just a little girl winning a kiddie tractor pull just last week and yesterday I was walking into Elgin High school for the first time. How can I be graduating and leaving it all behind in just two days? This is just unreal and such a bittersweet moment.
As for men in my life…well it’s a long story, and I won’t get much sleep tonight anyways so I might as well spit it all out. So a long time ago I have my heart away to…lets just call him the Kleenex boy…  and for the longest time it was in good hands. Oh a time or two here and there it would get a scratch or two, but one night it cracked. Naturally, I got scared and ripped it back, which resulted in a totally shattered heart. One piece broke off and stayed with Kleenex boy. I was kind of in shock for awhile, and I was just so numb I couldn’t feel the pain. Despite having my heart back I felt kind of lonely and empty, so one shattered shard at a time I started giving it to someone else (The one who suggested I write this post, lets just call him Blogger boy).  I got to the point where my heart was about evenly divided between myself, Kleenex boy and Blogger boy.

That was a confusing moment with my brain literally bouncing between them like a pinball on mission to attack the bumpers. Sorry I’ve become a Space Cadet Pinball Junkie the last week. Everytime I make High Score I type my name as something random like “I stepped on a nail” or “I miss Blogger boy” or whatever is going on in my life. Makes something interesting to go back and find years down the road. Ah and on Microsoft hearts I renamed all the computer players, there’s Blogger boy, Kleenex Boy, And my best friend…lets just call her…Her Royal Fatness. I loooove being able to curse at them when they kick my ass! Sometimes I actually message Her Royal Fatness and be all like “Why you kicking my ass at this, bro” and of course she has noooo idea what I’m talking about. And then there’s that awkward moment when you realize you’ve spent entirely too long talking about Windows computer games…lame.

One last piece of advice for any random stragglers that stumble across my ramblings (try saying that five times fast) = Italians are very passionate people...and they're my favorite(:
p.s. I realllly need a new look, this one is quite depressing. I'm going off to college maybe I should call it "The Next Chapter" and make Her Royal Fatness happy.

p.p.s. just so you know "Her Royal Fatness" is about the skinniest girl I know. She considers it a compliment, just so you know I'm not diabolical or anything(: